For years, I thought my problem was alcohol.
I thought the solution was to drink less, exercise more self-control, and somehow become one of those people who could stop after one or two drinks. I tried that for years.
What I did not realize was that I was focusing entirely on the behaviour while ignoring the reason behind it.
That shift changed my perspective.
At first, I dismissed it.
I drank because I enjoyed it. Because it was social. Because everyone else was doing it. Or at least that’s what I told myself. But when I really looked honestly at my drinking, I realized alcohol was doing much more than helping me have fun. It helped me feel confident. It helped me feel less self-conscious. It helped me feel connected. It helped me quiet the constant chatter in my mind. Most importantly, it helped me avoid uncomfortable emotions.
I had spent years treating alcohol as the problem when, in many ways, it had become my solution. Not a healthy solution. Not a sustainable solution. But a solution nonetheless.
The more I learned about human behaviour, the more I began to understand that our actions are often driven by emotions rather than logic. We do things because they help us create a feeling, avoid a feeling, or change a feeling. (We explore this for you together in my coaching).
Alcohol was no different.
As I became curious about my own behaviour, I started noticing patterns. There were emotional associations I had built around alcohol itself. Drinking meant relaxation. Celebration. Freedom. Belonging. There were also emotional associations around social acceptance. Alcohol often made me feel more comfortable in social situations and more connected to the people around me. (Read my about me story for a bit of what I identified for myself),
But underneath those layers was something deeper. My relationship with myself.
I began to realize that some of my drinking was not about alcohol at all. It was about escaping feelings I did not know how to sit with. Feelings of inadequacy. Feelings of loneliness. Feelings of not being enough. Feelings of defeat, when life presented challenging seasons.
Alcohol gave me temporary relief from those experiences. For a few hours, I could feel different. Lighter. More comfortable in my own skin. The problem was that the relief never lasted. The emotions I was trying to escape would always be waiting for me the next day. And would feel even worse because, in addition, I had failed another promise to myself.
And so the cycle continued.
What finally began to change things was not another promise to drink less. It was learning how to sit with discomfort.
I slowly started doing emotional work and learning my emotional world. I started becoming more aware of my triggers and learning how to process difficult emotions instead of immediately trying to numb them.
Slowly, my relationship with alcohol began to change.
I was no longer forcing myself to stop. In fact, I let myself have a drink if I really wanted it, but with intention this time.
Learning to meet yourself with honesty instead of judgment is what this coaching is about. In the world of alcohol where guilt, shame and helplessness can weigh you down, it has proven vital that you consider a coach that understands the journey you walk and provides a gentle presence working with you as you navigate the relationship you have with alcohol, and ultimately with yourself.
That, more than anything else I tried, changed everything.
This is what I have built “Her Quiet Victory” for. Because every woman deserves to make one quiet and personal decision to live a life they are proud of, vibrant and where every day they step into her own truth.